Many of us approach retirement with fear. It seems to be a leap into the unknown, away from the comfort of familiar work, well-known colleagues and undemanding routine. For years life has been predictable, manageable, rewarding: soon it will be unstructured and purposeless. Without preparation and an agenda (see The Three Rules for a Successful Retirement), retirement threatens to be skydiving without a parachute!

But here’s a better analogy for you. An outdoor metaphor. Everyone is familiar with farming as an activity – land is used to produce crops or to pasture animals. The soil is a resource that keeps on giving provided it is replenished with water and fertilisers. In poorer countries with few resources it is necessary to rest land that has been used extensively by leaving it fallow. It is taken out of the production system for a year or more so that its fertility is restored.

Working and raising a family depletes one’s physical and mental resources; retirement is the opportunity to lie fallow and regain energy and enthusiasm. But the agricultural analogy goes much further! When land is left unused indefinitely it gradually returns to the richness of permanent pasture. New grasses and wildflowers establish and thrive. The soil now supports earthworms and insects which in turn attract small animals. Bushes and trees establish and birds and butterflies fly in.

Retirement is not being abandoned and lying fallow; but the opportunity for the growth of new ideas, for tackling new ventures, making new acquaintances and for life to become richer, more exciting and challenging. A time to run barefoot through the meadow, to roll in the sweet grass and smell the flowers!

We are both body and brain, and the two constantly interact. If you decide to, say, learn to play the piano (brain) your body will be carrying out the exercises and as you improve (body) your brain will change to include the knowledge of how to perform the new skills. This interaction and feedback is basic to acquiring any physical skill. Once a skill is acquired, it is retained through regular practice (body) which in turn reinforces the associated circuits in the brain. Why is it important in retirement to be aware of the partnership between body and brain?

As one ages, the tendency and the temptation is to do less – not to be as physically active as previously. We tend to walk less, exercise less, avoid physical challenges, sit for longer and rely on the car to transport us rather than our legs. But what does the reduction in physical activity do to our brains? A good example is singing. There is a strong connection between the voice and brain. We are born with all the physical structures necessary to be able to sing and the same apparatus is used when talking. But unless singing is encouraged in childhood and we sing throughout our adult lives, when we come to retirement the brain circuits which are used in singing have almost disappeared through neglect. It is difficult, although still possible with regular practice, to rediscover one’s voice and sing with confidence after half a lifetime of silence.

So the lesson for retirees is to consider the body-brain connection in all our activities. If you don’t continue to regularly walk, swim, dance, cycle, climb stairs, sing, lift weights, throw balls, and so on*, not only will you lose the physical ability but your brain will adjust to not doing these activities, and you will lose the mental skills and motivation. Next time you avoid a physical activity because your brain says: Why bother? Answer it with: A healthy brain depends on a healthy body, and vice versa. As is said frequently, but rarely heeded: If you don’t use it – you’ll lose it!

* One activity you do need to give up as you age, is climbing ladders.

When one has completed a working lifetime, perhaps raised a family and paid off a mortgage,  retirement may appear as a letdown: an end to a productive period of life; a time when you can only look back to what you achieved. All that has been important, and given you meaning and a purpose to live, has gone leaving only memories. Such thinking can lead to depression, to isolation and a feeling of worthlessness.

The alternative is to think of retirement (what a depressing word!), not as the end of your worthwhile life, but as the start of a different form of living. This is a unique time when you have the opportunity to be a different person. Perhaps someone who now has the time to be interested in world affairs, who can contribute to a community, who can pick up new skills and explore new areas of knowledge. It’s a little like Alice through the looking glass. For so long your nose was pressed to the glass, checking yourself daily and what you were achieving. Now the mirror has smashed and you are free to find out what lies behind.

Once through the retirement barrier, there is a wonderful world waiting to be explored. With a backpack full of unfulfilled needs and unexplored opportunities, you are free to go where your fancy takes you. But when walking through this new country, remember not to keep looking back: the view ahead is always better and anyway you might trip!

Several of my retired friends of similar age spend large amounts of time on their computers, and elsewhere, in the process of discovering their ancestry. Perhaps, when you are in the ‘Third Age’, there is some reassurance in better knowledge of how one fits into the great scheme of life. Knowing who, what and where one’s great, great grandparents were seems to provide a more solid foundation, perhaps even a purpose, for one’s present existence. There is no doubt that tracing one’s ancestors can be absorbing, challenging and, ultimately, satisfying. But I would like to question its value with respect to any particular individual.

Let’s start with facts. At conception, we received 50% of our DNA from each parent (unselected – you get what you are given!). They in turn were the outcome of each of their parents, so you received 25% of your DNA from 4 grandparents. And 12.5% from each of your 8 great-grandparents, and so on back through time and each generation doubling in size and contributing less and less to the modern you.

Secondly, one of the aims of studying one’s ancestry seems the need to establish strong links with particular historical figures. I can trace my ancestry back to William the Conqueror. Given the number of generations in between, all the British could make that claim. But there is one big unknown in making links – human nature. We all know the saying: A woman knows her own child; a man only believes he knows! Tracing lines of ancestry through mothers is more likely to be valid than through fathers. But even here, there are wild cards: children were swapped by wet nurses, adopted to replace one who died after birth or who was disabled, children resulting from extra-marital affairs, incest, and so on.

Apart from these uncertainties in establishing links, what is the benefit of knowing that your Great x ? grandfather or -mother was a baker in Birmingham in 1785? They lived their lives in the world they were born into, with timely attitudes, needs and values, none of which mean much or make sense to us. Retirement is about living in the present, not yearning for the past.

According to anthropologists, it is normal, and healthy, to be in occasional contact with up to 150 other people – and in regular contact with a small number of close friends. This is still the situation in rural areas of Africa and New Guinea; it was how we lived in pre-historic times and the pattern even persisted into the mediaeval era. City life and industrialisation has reshaped our social environment and it has become harder to maintain a healthy balance of relationships.

Retired people are especially at risk of becoming isolated. We do not travel outside our homes as much as when we were working and raising a family; the friends we have known for many years may move away, or sadly, die. Both our large tribe and close circle of friends is liable to shrink during retirement. So what can be done about this?

The size of our tribe and the number of people we call friends in retirement depends on us. Creating contacts with other people was easier before; now we have to work at it more seriously. It is too easy to hide away at home and complain of boredom and a lack of visitors. Get out there and meet new people: join a club, a choir or an association; volunteer for a charity; help in a school or library; coach a team; bush-walk with a group; enrol in classes with U3A or WEA; talk to people on the train, in supermarkets and cafes, and so on. And how about encouraging those other retirees who also crave more human contact and show them the way.

So there you are, on your deathbed, waiting to die, and someone says: “Is there anything you would like to have done in your life, but didn’t get around to it?” What will be your answer?

That is a long time off, we hope; but the question still needs an answer. Will your response to the final question be: “I have had a fulfilling life and have no regrets” or will you say: “I always wanted to….” or: “I would have liked to be able to….” or even: “I was passionate about…. but never got around to exploring/learning/understanding it”

The benefit of creating and experiencing a thoughtful retirement is being able to tackle unfulfilled dreams, wishes and ambitions. Here are some possibilities which may resonate with you: I would like to be able to: speak another language, sing in a choir, play a musical instrument, see the Taj Mahal, write an essay or a novel, learn how to scuba dive, help in a hospital or refuge, assist refugees to adjust to their new country, mentor a young person, enroll for a university degree, learn first aid…..and so on.

Your job is to complete the following statements :

• I want to learn………
• When I was younger I yearned to….., but never got around to it
• As a child they stopped me learning about/studying for/being interested in……….
• They said I would never be good at…….
• Now I am free of commitments I can……..
• Retirement means I am free to……..

 

You worked hard until you retired, raised a family, managed your finances and, on the way, learned much about life. How about sharing your knowledge and experience with others?

Have you ever thought about being a mentor? There are many ‘out there’ who would welcome an occasional chat with you. They could greatly benefit from a half hour of your time, some supportive words, your enthusiasm when you hear about their plans, perhaps guidance to overcome obstacles.  Maybe, all they will need is recognition that they are important and heading in the right direction to achieve a good life.

Who need mentors? There is plenty of choice: children needing help with literacy or numeracy, young people from deprived backgrounds or with unsupportive families, solo parents struggling to make ends meet, immigrants and refugees, ex-prisoners trying to cope with life outside, people recovering from addiction, and so on. Many charitable organisations need mentors.

If you think you would not be capable of mentoring anyone from the above groups, how about helping seniors who are struggling to cope after retirement when work was their sole purpose in life, retirees suffering loneliness and depression, and those grieving the loss of a partner. After all, mentoring is only an active and supportive form of friendship.

What are the attitudes and skills needed in a mentor? Follow this blog!

 

All my previous posts have a common thread – the need for retirees to retake control of their lives. While working, raising a family and buying a house, there were continual demands on time, energy and finances which, in most cases, were essential and had to be met. Now you are retired it is time to look at all those constraints on your living and see if they are still valid. Let’s examine a few:

Children – are they still dependent on you? If so, why? If you reared them to be successful adults, why are they not living their own lives and making their own decisions? Perhaps it is time to stop doing favours and create some boundaries.

Possessions – are they all still necessary, or appropriate? As a retired couple or single person, do you still need to maintain the family three-bedroom house? Perhaps it is time to downsize and de-clutter. How about selling the family people-mover and start walking to improve your health? Remember: your possessions possess you!

Finances – it’s time to re-evaluate your personal costs and future needs. Is it still necessary to work part-time to make ends meet? If not, there are a thousand more exciting things you could do with your time. More funds than you need? There is a myriad of charities which would welcome your support. Do you really need to leave money to your children in your will? Shouldn’t you be enjoying what you have worked and saved for over many years?

Routines and habits – we develop personal traits and distractions over the years to cope with the many stresses of life. It’s time to examine these behaviours to see if they are restricting our new lives. Now is the time to develop new interests, explore new ways of living and build new networks of relationships.

Retirement is a unique time when it is possible to throw off the shackles of the old life and start afresh. It’s time to take back control.

 

 

One way to regard life is as a railway journey. We left the station at birth and gradually accelerated through childhood until we were at top speed during adolescence and after. Our social and physical activities occurred without restraint, we learned and experimented – we were on the right line and definitely going somewhere. But then life started to be constricted by a special relationship, and after passing the marriage signal, the railway dropped into a cutting which started to restrict our vision and eventually plunged into a long tunnel. As we progressed and grew older, the walls – work, family, bills, mortgage, pressed in on us and often it appeared as if our narrow, restricted journey would go on for ever. We could see no light at the end of the tunnel.

But the children grew up and, it is to be hoped, moved away. The house is now fully yours, your job is coming to an end and yet life’s journey will go on. Approaching retirement is like seeing there is light after the tunnel, but not knowing what will be there when you finally emerge. You burst out from the dark and the light is blinding, the view immense. The temptation is to keep looking ahead down the line and wondering each day how long you have until you reach the final station. Instead, leave the train as soon as you can after the tunnel, dash off into the new and exciting world that has been revealed to you, and have adventures. Whoo whoooo!

Older people are seen as out of date, left behind by the rapid changes in technology. Why are you not on Facebook?, the next generation asks. Why haven’t you got an IPad, tablet or smartphone? Don’t know how to use a smartphone?  Just let a 10 year-old show you how, they say. Haven’t you bought the App which shows you how to find your way around?  And so on. It seems smartphones have become an obsession, a safety blanket which younger people cannot live without. Train carriages are full of isolated travellers obsessively consulting their screens or wearing earplugs and listening to music. A book reader on a train or bus is a rare sight, and conversation with strangers is not encouraged. On the street, walkers consulting smartphones are a hazard to the public and to themselves.

Do we retirees need to join the crowd? Certainly, having a computer and access to information through the internet is useful and a valuable means of overcoming isolation and loneliness. Being able to keep in contact with friends and family via email and Skype is a great advance on writing letters. But do we really need to check every few minutes whether or not we are ‘liked’ by a few hundred Facebook ‘friends’? And having to always consult an App to know where we are going, seems to take the excitement out of travel. However, there is one aspect of owning a smartphone which really worries me. Users think that they are only connected to the machine, but the machine is also connected to various mysterious organisations and businesses with the ability to manipulate and influence the user, mostly without their being aware. I want to be able to think for myself, make my own decisions and learn from my mistakes and have genuine friends, so I won’t be getting a smartphone any time soon.